Owl City - Fireflies

       When I first heard this song, I was like, "Meh..." But now that I listen to it again, it's pretty good. I'm in love with the guy's voice, because this song has such nice vocals. It's a pretty slow song, I usually don't like these kind of songs, but this is an exception.

Lyrics | Owl City lyrics - Fireflies lyrics

My New Poem!

       This is a free-style piece that I wrote on Friday night, and I decided that this was worth sharing. I still need a title for it, so feel free to post honest feedback on the quality (be brutal if necessary *flinches*) and suggestions for titles! It still needs a little (a load) of tweaking here and there, but I believe this is one of my most psychological work yet:

I thought I heard you say you loved me,
But then I saw the bottle of brandy in your hand.
I feinted my heart, told it you really meant those words.

Even though we can both clearly understand,
That you were 360 degrees from being sober.
Every deceitful lie of yours weren't worth a damn penny.

Because every single thing that you do
Seems to shoot itself at my heart
You're why I choke down my dignity

I always assure myself, "It's only one more day."
Tomorrow, just maybe you would change,
But promises are always swept off the present.

Another black day, another reason to cry,
I count the cuts and bruises on my face,
Pick up the shattered aftermaths of yesterday.

A failed attempt to keep my tears from smearing my cover-up
Let them catch a glimpse of my secret misery and anguish
The truth unveiled, with no possible explanation to ease them

I knew exactly what they were going to say,
But I held on to your slipping presence,
They demanded why, why I'd do such a thing.

Because of uncertainty, because of dependability...
You were the only lurching raft keeping me,
Keeping me from drowning in the ocean of my insecurites.

Why couldn't they comprehend?
You were my only something,
Because I couldn't live with just nothing.

I was blindfolded, lost in my own doubts,
I held on to the only thing that I could find.
It's true to say that even though they were lies,

I needed desperately to hear you say them,
Those three simple words that could throw anyone off;
I longed to know that someone, absolutely anyone

Who had the heart to love me, to care, just for once;
Anyone, who had the heart to lie impassively to me,
To put the worries, that kept me up at night, to sleep.

And I promised myself that I would let go
Once things got out of hand, if you lost control
To the bloodthirsty demon that awaited inside.

But those appeasing words didn't have a cure
Once I had a fleeting taste of what could've been,
I couldn't settle for only once, no

I had to have more, it was heroin to the soul
Those little white lies fueled my feigned happiness
Smiles started pouring in like a unforseen storm

But with those smiles came double the tears
I knew it was dangerously unhealthy;
This fascade was the only life I had

Like fire feeding ferociously on gasoline,
You devoured my vulnerability in a gulp
I bet it gave you superiority, an insatiable power

To see myself dangling helplessly on your fingertips
Was painful, but I had wronged myself far too much
To back down; to wake myself from this nightmare of a dream

But maybe, I thought, maybe one day
I would find the strength and courage
To break free of this boundless web of fiction
That you had spun and trapped me in

And that day was the fateful day that I had awaited
I stood up, from my solitary corner you had pushed me into
I opened my mouth to say "Goodbye" one final time

But baby, this time, I sincerely meant it
I, alone, had done something you could never do;
I said something and meant it 100 percent

Maybe you needed me more than I needed you
Because I was the only thing that gave you authority
I made you feel significant in a judgemental society

To be honest, looking back at all of this
I felt the most sorry for you, not me
Because you struggled to find the will
To have domination over yourself

So maybe deep inside the bowels of your psyche
I was the doormat that kept you on top through all this
But really all along, you succumbed to your own fears

I'm okay, I'm alright, but you're not
And I don't know if you'll ever be able to escape
This dilemma that you've set up for yourself

I'm a survivor, through all this trial and tribution
But I left you behind, sinking in a bottomless pit of torment

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Coat

       This Wednesday I went to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat with my Musical Production class. It was a one hour ride all the way to Chanhassen Theatre, but the wait was worth it. It was a Dinner Theatre and the good quality food was quite delicious. The service was fair... I wouldn't say great. But gee (I haven't used that word for a while), the musical was so showy and glitzy. And Joseph, oh Joseph was... amazing... if you know what I mean. 

       All I need to say was, there were several shirtless scenes, and you could hear a lot of people whispering "abs" and "six pack"...  Of course, the guys weren't obgligated to say so (at least most of them didn't anyway), they were like, "Pssh. That dude needs to put some pants on *rolls eyes*."

       The theatre was very strict about using electronics during the performance, so I couldn't take any pictures with my cell or camera. Instead, I'm posting some pictures from the web.

(After the show, we were able to go behind the scenes and our teacher got to take some pictures of the class, but I will post those later when they're available.)

Joseph; guy wearing white on the left of Jacob, the ederly man with the beard.

               ^This isn't a very good picture of Joseph.

< This is another fairly bad picture of Joseph. I swear the guy looked better like, okay?

            ^ Now there's a better picture.

City Buses: Home of the Pedos >_>

       I've been pretty busy lately, but I managed to find some time to just chill with the gang. My girlfriends and I decided to go to the Mall of America (the only perk of living in Minnesota o_O), but we couldn't get a ride because our parents were being boobs (I love you Mom & Dad if you're reading this ;D) and they wouldn't drive us. They didn't even take the time to think of legit excuses...

       Me: Hey, Daddy, can you drive me and my friends to the mall? *insert cute puppy face here*

       Daddy That I Love <3: Umm, err, honey, I gotta go pee... >_> 

       Me: That doesn't take very long--

       Daddy That I Hate: *Cough* I think I have a cold... *sniff*   

       Me: *The look* It's barely even fall yet--you know what? Whatever. -.-

       But I guess I was glad to finally go unsupervised, I felt so responsible and crap, like an actual adult, you know? This was really surprising, considering my parents were super duper over-protective. So everything started out good and we were just having a blast, in fact we were so loud that the bus driver had to tell us to quiet down ;-;.

       Then this really old dude walked up to me and he was like,

*in creepy, husky, horny voice* "You look purty, can I get yo number hon?"

Are you kidding me? He was like, that old:

Okay, maybe not that old xD*

        I couldn't find the strength to say anything, but scoot away... and then KaKay (my tacos addict friend) started snapping on him like snap, crackle, POP! There goes her middle finger. mnm And the pedofile actually tried to flick us off... I just couldn't get past the fact that his weak middle finger was wiggling. My friends joked that I was jailbait later on.

        Jailbait is cool if the guy's like... hot. Like, these guys...

 

(Younger version of John McCain)*

Brian looks so sexeh here ;D

Damon Salvatore <333 *Eeek* (No, I actually love the guy ;-;)

       Haha, well, the moral of this story is... don't take the city bus. If you absolutely have to, bring a strong, buff friend along, because they're everywhere.

 ^~~~ Everybody likes skittles. TeeHee!!! >;D

Pedo Bear: He's waiting for you...

*Sorry John McCain supporters! ;-;

Homework Hell on Earth -.-

       My fingers are so tired! I'm pushing on to type these very words right now. I'm taking a 10 minute break from my work, and soon I'll be resuming to the tiring routine. The first week of school were chill. We had almost no homework at all, and I was thinking, "Hey, this isn't so bad after all."
       I spoke too soon. Now it's like, pages of homework in every class; pages that can make up novels even. -.- 

     Aside from that, everything else is progressing well. I'm no longer feeling nervous when I'm around SL (that's what I'm calling him* from now on). He's not as intimidating like he used to be. I guess it's because I have moved on, and have no feelings toward him whatsoever. It's like brushing weight off my shoulders. I just hope I'm going to stay crush-less for a while. I seriously don't need any guy drama right now. They're not worth it. (Sorry guys! Most of the boys at my school are boobs, so I'm going to say it like it is.)

Boys will be boys -.-

                                             ~ ViVi B. <3

*refer to "puberty takes its toll" post.

I apologize for the inconvienently long posts!

<~~ Like, blah, blah, blah... omg!

I don't want to turn into that little girl ^


      I was rather very talkative and chatty these few days so I apologize for those novel-long posts (I don't want to put J.K. Rowling or Stephenie Meyer out of business or anything :shadydevilface ^.^) I promise I will (attempt to) provide lighter reads from now on! Peace Out.

                                            <3 ViVi B.~

Get the Kleenex tissues ready: this story WILL make you cry like a baby! (It did for me)

        Regarding that long-ass post I posted yesterday about the teen drug abuse, I'd like to share the story behind it.

     The story starts when I met Kelly (I'm calling her Kelly), a 13-year-old girl who belongs to the emo group at my school. I've always been a really happy person, and so I stray clear of those kind of people. But when I first met Kelly, I didn't think she was emo at all... in fact she seemed really happy.

    She was sort of a player though, going out with several guys over short periods of time. She looked like the most popular, happiest girl in the entire school! I mean, she's got the looks, the boys, and the clothes...
     She knew a lot of people. BUT it didn't look like she had a lot of friends. Even though she was around so many people, if you look carefully, you could tell that she was different from the rest. Sometimes I swear I could see the loneliness in her face.

     When I first talked to Kelly I was surprised at how unexpectedly friendly she was. Usually, people like her turn out to be total snobs. But I guess at that time I didn't know her at all, because the happiness everybody saw was just a feigned fascade; a show she had put on to fool people.
     As I grew closer to her, I learned a lot of things that were almost unbelievable. She had let me into a little secret of hers. She had told me that her mom and dad passed a long time ago. And that wasn't very surprising, because most people at our school already knew that.

     What she never told anyone was that... that it was her own father who killed her mom. Kelly never knew much about her dad, except that he was in a gang, which meant he always carried a gun or a switchblade with him. I'm not going to dwell in this too deep, because I could feel the tears swelling up in my eyes already. But, all I can tell you is... he shot me. Boom. Just like that. And what's worse was she was there through all of it. My best friend watched her father kill her mother. Every single painful second of it.

       And if you looked at Kelly's wrist, you could see multiple cuts and scars. I usually wondered why she would always come to school with a wristband on or wear long sleves. It's painful to see her hurt herself behind everybody's backs. She lives with her Grandma, who doesn't know half of the things she does to herself.
  
     How she cries herself to sleep every night. How she cuts herself to numb the pain. How she dreams about how her mom could've hugged and embraced her if she were still alive today. How she resented her father and still loved him at the same time. She would always think about where he was now, because he had fled not long after her mother's death. Till this day, the police are still looking for him.

        It makes me cry every time I see a fresh new cut on her wrist, and I beg her to stop. But she wouldn't listen. She never listened. Rarely, I would see her smile genuinely... and she had the most beautiful smile that ever blessed a face. Oh, how I wished it was me and not her.
       I thought about how ungrateful I was for my content life. How I loathed my Dad for reasons ridiculous compared to her dad. How I took everything for granted.

       Shortly after, I had learned that Kelly was slipping drugs. After accidently finding pills and weed in her pockets, she finally admitted it to me. I knew instantly that I couldn't stand by any longer. I knew I should've something when I found out she was emo, but I was afraid I'd lost her as a friend if I told. She trusted me; I couldn't bear to see her hurt anymore than she was already.

       I was one of the only few things she had left in her life that she had to live for.      

       But finally I had came to one final decision after thinking about it during restless nights. I had to do it. I didn't care if she hated me, because I wouldn't let her destroy the little bit of life she had left. I told her Grandma, but she wouldn't believe me, instead her Grandma blamed it on me, saying that I was a bad influence on Kelly.

       I knew no matter how hard I tried, her Grandma wasn't willing to face the truth; it was simply too much for her to handle, so she swept it aside like it was nothing more than dust. So I told everybody I could tell. I told the teachers, the counselor, my parents, the police. I felt guilty through the whole process, but I knew I had good intentions. The adults told me I did the right thing. I had a lot of doubt regardless.
 
         One day I woke up to find out that it had been several moths since I last saw Kelly. I knew she was in rehabilitation, and getting the help and therapy she needed. But I still had the knot of uncertainty in my stomach.
         I wondered if Kelly had gotten all the letters I'd written her. I wrote to her frequently every week. Out of all then dozens of letters that I'd written to her, that reply I eagerly waited for never came.

       Maybe she had forgotten me. Or maybe she dispised me too much to even read my letters. I still remembered vividly the facial expression she gave me when she found out that it was me, her best friend who betrayed her.
     
       I guess I can't say what I really want to say at this point. I wish I could just write "we were best friends again and she lived happily ever after" because I don't know that.
        But I felt a million times better when I had finally received her letter in the mail a month after that day. I cried, reading her scrawled handwriting.

       She had informed me that she believed she was finally going to be okay now, after 13 years of misery and desperation. She had always been lonely and lost... and she felt "founded" now. She told me to smile; to be happy for her every day until the day she would come back and embrace me in her arms. She thanked me several times in that letter.

       "You're the best damn thing that happened to me," she said. Those words meant so much to me. They were proof that she had forgiven me. And this may sound super cheesy, but they were the answer to my prayers.

       So, I'm patiently awaiting the day Kelly comes back, feeling hopeful. And these past few days of school, I've heard many rumors about various kids slipping drugs. The hardest part was to find out that the rumors were true.

       I realized that I couldn't save everyone who did drugs at my school; there were simply far too many, most that I don't even know of. But I'm going to try. I'm saving as many lives as I could, and even if I could only save one person out of all, I feel accomplished. I feel like... like I just did something so much greater than God. (;O Did I just say that?)

     

 

Addiction! (Keep reading if you're worried...)

       I'm unconditionally addicted to D... (the "D" word, you don't mean?!) Doritos. If you were thinking drugs, I'd never stoop to that level. Shame on you!

<~~ It's good stuff!

       My friend KayKay and I were talking about my addiction to Doritos and her addiction to tacos. We're trying to quit cold turkey, and well, so far I could tell you that's not going so great. *eats some Doritos chips*  I'm pretty sure she's in her bathroom, slipping tacos. Anyways, I'd just like to say:

      If you don't believe me, just take Cookie Monster for example. He's doing great quitting cold turkey on cookies with fruits and vegetables I'm sure.

       Okay, nevermind about that. All I want to say is, where there's a will, there's a way. My uncle's a severe acoholic and smoker. He's been at it for decades. But now, he's actually trying to quit for his family. And I believe with baby steps, he will get there.


     The reason I'm posting this is because I've seen kids at my school make the mistake of giving in to addictions. I used to think drugs didn't come into the picture until high school. It turns out, even middle schoolers these days are slipping drugs! They sneak pills, cigarettes, and weed, and what amazes me is that some of them don't even get caught.


WHERE ARE THE TEACHERS FOR GOODNESS' SAKES?


       Some kids are lucky to get caught and get the help and discipline they need, but what about those other potheads and stoners who constantly do drugs behind their ignorant parents' backs? These kids usually end up in the streets, their future long flushed down the toilet.


       Which is why I can't stand to see people who used to be my friends turn into druggies who could care less about what's happening to him/herself or the world. But how do happy, sucessful students become like this?
       Some kids do it because they're lonely, with no one to hang out with. This may seem like a small problem, but to a teenager, a social life is crucial. I'm going to bring up a problem I addressed earlier: peer pressure. If you want to fit in to a drug clique, it's easy, just buy and use some drugs.


       That's the first step to becoming a druggie. If you've only used drugs a few times, chances are, you're not addicted yet. But remember, the hardest thing to do is stay in a clique once you have joined.  In order to stay in, you'd have to continually do drugs. This is the "Ahhh... so that's how it works" moment.
       Most kids (especially in their teen years) are insecure, so they will take the bait. Maybe hanging with these people gives them a ground to stand on, or a wall to lean on. Teens will do almost anything to feel secure, fit in, or belong.  
   
       But that's not even half of it. Usually the victims will become predators themselves, and they will continue to influence people that they know. The chain goes on and on. It's like a disease, and it's spreading fast. Unlike the H1N1 flu, this disease has been around ever since... forever. It's human nature to be vulnerable; to feel insecure. It's human nature to make these mistakes.


      So, I'm writing this post to spread a message. If you know someone who's under the influence, please get them help. Whether it's drugs, smoking, achohol, cutting themselves... anything that's potentionally dangerous, you have to tell someone. Maybe it's your friend that needs help. Maybe it's a family member. Or maybe... it's you. I know it's hard. I've seen someone fall under the influence who was very close to me.


     If you're thinking, "But I don't want to get my friend in trouble. Would he/she get mad at me?" Chances are, yes, but if you keep thinking that way, you're really no better than them yourself. To see someone get hurt, and not help them when you have the chance is also a big mistake.


      Think about it. If that was you, would you want someone to care enough to get help for you? You might be furious at first if you found out it was your friend that told on you, but later on, when you've got your life all sorted out again (hopefully), you'd actually be grateful. So don't sit around thinking, "Maybe someone else will find out, and they will help. And then my friend's going to be all better again."


       That's just plain stupid if you can't realize that you're the one person who can help. Don't take any chances, because that's what got your friends into that path in the first place. Be a real friend and speak up for them.


       How to help:

• Tell a teacher, counselor, adult, or parent.
• If you're brave enough, confront your friend. Give them a chance to let you help them before you take in your own hands and call the police or any other authority. 
• If you catch your friend using drugs, then inform an adult immediately. Don't wait to see if they do it again, because they can develop an addiction. It's best to solve a problem before it gets severe.
• When first approaching your friend, just talk. Don't scold, yell, preach, or threaten them. Talk calmly but clearly and listen in a sympathetic way. That should help them open up. If after several attempts this fails, you can no longer try to solve things by yourself. You have to take agression and tell an adult.

For more information, visit these useful sites:

1. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/teens-and-drugs-what-a-parent-can-do-to-help/2/
2. http://www.teendrugabuse.us/
3. http://www.helpforteens.net/
4. http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=179&Itemid=62

Puberty takes its toll.

September 8th, 2009:

       Ahhh... the first day of school. Today I'm no longer a "sevvie" (what eighth graders call seventh graders, the equivalent of "freshman" in high school), but I am now an official "eightball" (hey, don't look at me, I didn't come up with it), the rulers of the school.


       But somewhere during the magical summer that makes a 7th grader an 8th grader, something happened. Let's just say the nice boys I once knew are... well, they're perverts.





       You know you're definitely not in 7th grade anymore when someone grabs your butt. -.-


KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF! (How hard is that?)





(Apparently, very ^)


       The 8th grade hallway looks like an Flo Rida music video. Imagine that.





       Okay, okay, maybe that's a little more racy than it really is. But still.


       So maybe I haven't told you the whole story. The truth is, going through some of my classes are a little awkward o_O. Have you ever had a crush that turned you down? I have. You know the story... I thought he was different. But he was just one of those guys. Those guys that brag about how many girls liked them. Guys that go out with hot girls just for the fun of it.


       Maybe God must have known what I was thinking because he was out to get me. I go to my morning classes all excited. And then there's a bomb dropped on me. *Insert shocked face here*


WHY IS HE HERE?!


       I cannot describe how awkward it was for the rest of science class. At least I'm not assigned to sit next to him. :S


       But I'm a strong girl, so I don't let that put me down. I head to 2nd period, thinking, "It's only going to get better." And right when I walk through the gymnasium doors for Physical Eucation... you guessed it. -.- He's here... again!
       And this time, I'm actually assigned to be in his team for the rest of the trimester. I have to sit in front of him.
      
       Geez, it's just so uncomfortable. And I don't even know what he's thinking.
       I mean, does he still remember what happened in 7th grade? That little love note I wrote him? When I finally had the nerves to ask him out myself... and got brutally rejected? (Well... I wouldn't say brutally, but hey, it sucks.) Or maybe he doesn't even remember who I am, and I'm just in over my head over it. *spaz attack*


       Whatever happens, I'm sure it will be better in time. Tomorrow looks like a brighter day. Hey, who knows? Maybe he'll get a schedule change!

Hello World! ;P

       Okay, maybe not the world. I'm still a nobody. No one has ever heard of me. I'm not there, at the point where people from all over the world will be reading this... yet. Maybe tomorrow or the day after somebody will be reading this. And honestly, that's enough... I just want someone out there to hear me. To know me and my story. (Warning: A very cheesy sentence is following up.)


       I want someone to know me by not what I am on the outside, but what I am on the inside.


       And by outside, I don't mean just looks. I mean the way we act around our peers to conceive an image, because we want to fit in. I'm sure you've been there.
        Maybe you've said something you wouldn't say, worn clothes that's not your style, made friends with people you secretly don't like, or get a haircut just because. Because it's the biggest thing this season. Because everyone's doing it.
       Now don't deny it. I've seen absolutely everyone  do it. And sometimes, they're not even aware that they're doing it. They're subconsiously giving in to peer pressure.


       So before I babble on any longer, I'm going to invite you to know the real me. The me only few of my closest friends know. The me who's not afraid to snort when she laughs hard while watching Family Guy. The me who's not afraid to admit that she was the one who farted. (Come on, at some point of your life, you knew you shouldn't have eaten so much beans when you heard that pffffffffffft! come out of your butt.)