My New Poem!

       This is a free-style piece that I wrote on Friday night, and I decided that this was worth sharing. I still need a title for it, so feel free to post honest feedback on the quality (be brutal if necessary *flinches*) and suggestions for titles! It still needs a little (a load) of tweaking here and there, but I believe this is one of my most psychological work yet:

I thought I heard you say you loved me,
But then I saw the bottle of brandy in your hand.
I feinted my heart, told it you really meant those words.

Even though we can both clearly understand,
That you were 360 degrees from being sober.
Every deceitful lie of yours weren't worth a damn penny.

Because every single thing that you do
Seems to shoot itself at my heart
You're why I choke down my dignity

I always assure myself, "It's only one more day."
Tomorrow, just maybe you would change,
But promises are always swept off the present.

Another black day, another reason to cry,
I count the cuts and bruises on my face,
Pick up the shattered aftermaths of yesterday.

A failed attempt to keep my tears from smearing my cover-up
Let them catch a glimpse of my secret misery and anguish
The truth unveiled, with no possible explanation to ease them

I knew exactly what they were going to say,
But I held on to your slipping presence,
They demanded why, why I'd do such a thing.

Because of uncertainty, because of dependability...
You were the only lurching raft keeping me,
Keeping me from drowning in the ocean of my insecurites.

Why couldn't they comprehend?
You were my only something,
Because I couldn't live with just nothing.

I was blindfolded, lost in my own doubts,
I held on to the only thing that I could find.
It's true to say that even though they were lies,

I needed desperately to hear you say them,
Those three simple words that could throw anyone off;
I longed to know that someone, absolutely anyone

Who had the heart to love me, to care, just for once;
Anyone, who had the heart to lie impassively to me,
To put the worries, that kept me up at night, to sleep.

And I promised myself that I would let go
Once things got out of hand, if you lost control
To the bloodthirsty demon that awaited inside.

But those appeasing words didn't have a cure
Once I had a fleeting taste of what could've been,
I couldn't settle for only once, no

I had to have more, it was heroin to the soul
Those little white lies fueled my feigned happiness
Smiles started pouring in like a unforseen storm

But with those smiles came double the tears
I knew it was dangerously unhealthy;
This fascade was the only life I had

Like fire feeding ferociously on gasoline,
You devoured my vulnerability in a gulp
I bet it gave you superiority, an insatiable power

To see myself dangling helplessly on your fingertips
Was painful, but I had wronged myself far too much
To back down; to wake myself from this nightmare of a dream

But maybe, I thought, maybe one day
I would find the strength and courage
To break free of this boundless web of fiction
That you had spun and trapped me in

And that day was the fateful day that I had awaited
I stood up, from my solitary corner you had pushed me into
I opened my mouth to say "Goodbye" one final time

But baby, this time, I sincerely meant it
I, alone, had done something you could never do;
I said something and meant it 100 percent

Maybe you needed me more than I needed you
Because I was the only thing that gave you authority
I made you feel significant in a judgemental society

To be honest, looking back at all of this
I felt the most sorry for you, not me
Because you struggled to find the will
To have domination over yourself

So maybe deep inside the bowels of your psyche
I was the doormat that kept you on top through all this
But really all along, you succumbed to your own fears

I'm okay, I'm alright, but you're not
And I don't know if you'll ever be able to escape
This dilemma that you've set up for yourself

I'm a survivor, through all this trial and tribution
But I left you behind, sinking in a bottomless pit of torment